We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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