just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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