I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
