did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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