It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
