Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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