Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think my mom watched the whole time
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was CRYING into my vagina
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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