You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
