Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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