Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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