I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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