have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
