Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
