You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
