How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
