No stitches, just platelets and will power
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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