I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
