It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
