I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
