Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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