I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
