Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
