3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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