I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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