you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Girls should come with a carfax report
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
