Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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