He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
