1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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