it wasn't lemon gatorade
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
