EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
