i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
