in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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