There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
