so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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