I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
