I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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