Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
