Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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