some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
