And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
