You're my little dorito
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
