If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
