She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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