just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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