If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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