Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
