now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
