i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
