is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
