Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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