Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
