I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
