So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
