Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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