you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
