I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize